It's a common theme that I never keep up with my blogging. And that "so many things have happened!" But it's all true. Here's some of what I wrote in my notebook months ago...
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So this whole blogging initiative has not gone so well. I attribute it to not having a lot of time outside of work to sit and write something - which becomes much harder when I am supposed to be ridiculously creative at work.
Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to balance having a life and having a job? I think it's a definite factor.
Needless to say, things have changed a lot since I last really updated this (understatement of the year).
Short recap: I am employed. I have been offered an internship. I broke up with my last college boyfriend. I have dabbled with "grown-up" dating. The Doritos Taco had a wider release in America (but I heard it's not so good). The Hunger Games movie released and it was fantastic. I got blackout drunk on my first St. Pat's Day - during which I was kicked out of a bar, fell off of a friend who was giving me a piggyback ride and yelled at a douchebag - none of which I remember. I've judged photo contests. I had an interview go mildly popular on the Internet.
It has been a busy time.
I'm "growing up" - as much as that's possible - and am adjusting to this new lifestyle I have been thrust into.
And yet I'm uncomfortable.
Uncomfortable with being stuck here. Don't get me wrong, I love Seattle dearly and the PNW will always have a place in my heart. But how can I survive here? How can I live in a place I worked so hard to get away from?
Where have the notions of city life and NYC grandeur gone?
Uncomfortable with how well I am adapting back to here. Was my time away at I.C. enough to create a want of Seattle? Or is it just the present circumstances that makes it more appealing than ever?
Uncomfortable with how much of a city this place really is. I miss the Gorges being a two-minute walk from my door. I miss the constant traveling and learning. The city has too many conveniences right around the corner. Too many homeless people I feel guilty for ignoring. Too many cars passing by. Too many propositions, catcalls and comments on how I look.
Maybe I'm not cut out for city living after all. That scares me. Or maybe being forced from my nomadic tendencies is pushing me in the opposite extreme of nesting.
Uncomfortable with how many of my friends are starting domestic lives. And getting engaged or married. Or starting families. I do want that sooner or later, but I ain't marriage/baby/house crazy quite yet.
Uncomfortable in my own skin. Cliche as it is, "who am I" and "what do I stand for" and "what do I want" stand out in my head as I lay down to sleep. The things I've done hound me. The regrets trail behind me like chains and "what-ifs" wring my neck.
But this is all one big risk. And I am good at taking risks, so at least I'm comfortable with that.
What's next? Bangs?
Needless to say, I have been in deep thought about all of the above. And it hasn't become any more clear.
And no, I didn't get bangs though I did hack off a good 8 inches of my hair!
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